Sunday, 1 August 2010

Fear And Panic In The Air...

*clears throat*

I haven't written anything in a while, I seem to have been swept up in a whirlwind of busy-ness, between working, the new boyfriend, and friends I havent had a whole lot of spare time. I thought it best to update now though, otherwise my next update would be so incredibly huge that it would take days to write.

Biggest update I think is that I'm taking my niece to see YouMeAtSix in London on the 15th December for her birthday :D I'm very much looking forward to this, ymas are a AWESOME band and Katie loves them xD

Mark's best friend Daniel, is dating a girl called Katie Gee that I used to go to school with. Small world eh? Well consequently I got her a job where I work and I spent Friday night with her, noming lasagne, drinking wine and discussing Muse and various other awesome bands :D was fun.

Chimaira, Lacuna Coil, Athlete and Elliot Minor are also playing near me soon and I wanna see them all!!!

Having only 1 job is difficult, Not because I'm earning less, cause I'm not, but because I have to keep myself occupied. The last month it hasnt been too hard, but its getting more difficult, and I'm finding myself being bored. I hate it >.< As a result of this, my thoughts of learning to play the Guitar are coming true, I've even choosen the one I want!


Its a SCHECTER Omen Extreme, Now I'm going to pretend to know a whole lot about guitars cause I don't. So, here's a blurb from the website for those of you who know about guitars :)

"The Schecter Omen-6 FR is a truly unique instrument, its sleek, no-frills design features deep, sculpted cutaway access to the upper frets, extreme body sculpting and a smooth, black gloss finish. It is equipped with two Schecter High Output humbucker pickups, a basswood body and bolt-on maple neck. It's Licensed Floyd Rose Locking Tremolo and 24 jumbo frets make this instrument a real joy to play."

Eeeeeee I'm excited xD

Lessons are gonna be £15 each and the Guitar is around £350. But its SEXY.

I have a lot to do this afternoon, Mark's coming over but I'm not sure what time =/ and he's cooking for me... this should be interesting!

I best be off and tidy up and beautify myself.

Oh and I plan to write reviews of all the gigs I go to see :)

Much Love
Fifi
xXxXxXxXx


Thursday, 1 July 2010

It's a Fez, I wear a Fez now. Fez' are cool xD

So yea.. Fez'... A felt hat, kinda like a cone worn by strange men, in hot countries. Matt Smith looks kinda hot in a Fez..

Aha.. This post isn't going to be about Fez' but it is going to be about men I find extremely Hot/Interesting/Amazing or all three. From both Film, TV Shows and Music :D Should be a fun post! (I've got plenty of time to kill after being told I got a hour n a half more to wait!)

Matt Smith!

Lets start with his essentials shall we?

Hair Colour: Brown
Eyes: Green
Height: 5ft10ish
DOB: 28th October 1982

Okay.. So how cool is this.. Me and Matt Smith have the same f'ing birthday! I've only just found this out but it makes me very very happy xD

Okay.. So Matt Smith.. with his rather large chin, floppy hair, tweed jacket and bow tie, it doesn't exactly make for the most conventionally good looking man. But there is something rather compelling about him, both on TV and off. Of course he doesn't dress like the Doctor in his day to day life, more often than not opting for skinny trousers, cool jackets and the odd hat. Oh and he also seems to be a fan of scarfs!

When he was first announced as the new Doctor I was both excited and apprehensive. I love Dr Who and he seemed SO different to David Tennant I wondered if it would work, but after seeing the first episode and hearing his rather lovely "Geronimo!!" as the Tardis crashed I knew we were in for a treat! And oh boy did he deliver. Witty lines, Scenes that made you burst into tears, and that certain pzazz and style that only Matt Smith has.

Who'd have known that not only is he an amazing actor, but he originally planned to be a professional footballer? His skills on the pitch can clearly be seen in Episode 11 - The Lodger, where he plays in the local pub team. Oh and he gets his top off too ;) Not one of my favourite episodes from the newest series, a half naked and wet Matt Smith certainly made up for it.
He has a chemistry on screen and you are connected with him, he engages his audience and traps them. He's an extremely quirky and funny Doctor and I am very much looking forward to seeing him in the new series next year!

Side Note - Matt Smith is bloody gorgeous!!!! Tehe

Okay, So onto the next Man.. xD and who else could I pick but..

Matt Bellamy!

I do realise this is the second Matt I've picked.. Maybe my letter obsession has slipped from A to M...

Anywho! Essentials!

Hair Colour: Natural hair colour we think is Brown... but hes been, Red, Black, Blue, Pink, Blonde and many more besides! (my personal fave was Red!)
Eye Colour: Blue (om nom)
Height: 5ft7
DOB: 9th June 1978

Musical Fucking Genius. Period. His lyrics are incredible, his talents at playing pretty much any instrument is phenomenal and his ear for creating the most amazing and intriguing sounds leave you (well me) breathless. There isn't a Muse song I don't like, and the man himself is just well :D

I watched a interview the other day where Matt described himself as a "confident" person rather than the more cocky version of a front man, and that made me smile, because he's just lovely! His vocal range is impressive adding depth to his songs, while his moving and thoughtful lyrics give the listener something to think about. There is, in my opinion nothing better than chilling out with Muse playing.

His love of conspiracy theories and sc-fi make him a quirky individual, who is extremely interesting to listen to and his love of both of these can plainly be seen in his music.

Being insatiable comes naturally to this man, even if he does think hes too short to be sexy :P

And just because I think its "cool" this was Matt's answer when Q Magazine asked him what he would do if he had a Tardis..

"I think I’d probably go back to the mid-19th century and I’d try to cash in on the late Romantic piano music period and start hanging out with people like Berlioz and Chopin and maybe Rachmaninoff later on. I’d try to blend in with posh ponces playing the piano."


*dances*

So yea.. Matt Bellamy.. INCREDIBLE man.. If I thought I would ever have the chance...I'd marry him.. and I'm not the marrying kind!

As those are my main two "boys" at the moment hehehe.. I'm going to post the pictures of the other Men I find yummy etc and write a smaller amount about them :)


Alex Gaskarth!

YUMMY! *noms on him* His band are fucking awesome too -
All Time Low = Love. Amazing music..


Born 14/12/1987 it makes him younger than me :D Bless him. He is still one hell of a sexy beast of a front man...


The other members of the band, Zachary Merrick, Rian Dawson, and Jack Barakat are pretty nom worthy too :D



David Tennant!!

Sexy ass doctor with his skinny jeans and converse.... *drools*

Really made Dr Who for me.. just brought it to life in a way that was totally unique and amazing. Oh and his scottishness OM NOM NOM! <3>

Oh! and I swear I saw him on a train once! Oh yea hes 30 years old ;) Older men ftw yey!

Well, these are the main 4, I may post one of these about women one day so the guys have something yummy to look at hehe

<3>

Fifi Out
xXxXxXxXx

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

'Lo

Well, I ain't posted for a while, mostly cause I've been confused. Unsure what I wanted and unsure how I felt. I think mostly I was just running scared. I didn't want to get involved with someone again because of the pain and hurt it can cause, and after Andy, I think I'd had about as much pain as I could take. But someone close to me reminded me that you cannot live life without risks, and if you want something then grasp it with both hands before it disappears.

No one is perfect, and people make mistakes, and sometimes there are some people who rip your heart out and then stand on it a few times to make it worse. But not everyone is like that. Not everyone is going to get close to you and then break you heart. The biggest problem is knowing which ones will and which wont. This is something you cant know until it happens, but in the same token you cant spend your entire life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Bad things happen, sometimes more to some people than to others, but its your ability to pick yourself back up and try again that matters. I refused to let myself fall into being okay with second best and not trying anymore because I'm frightened of getting hurt. My gut instinct is that this time? I wont get hurt, that whichever way this goes, I'll be okay, but that's mostly cause I'm a stronger person than I used to be. I don't need someone else to complete me. I'm me exactly how I am and if someone doesn't like it? Well go to hell.

I'm never gonna change who I am, or what I say or do for anyone, because I shouldn't have to. Being fake and lying can only be kept up for so long before something makes you crack. Also.. If the person your with, or in fact anyone who's close to you, hurts you, lies, or does something to make you feel shit. Then you have to think to yourself, are they really worth the hassle? Most of the time the answer is No. I'm not talking about petty disagreements either, I'm talking about the big stuff. Stuff that matters.

I think this time I'm just gonna let everything take its course, and if I fall in love or even if I don't? Whatever happens, then that's fine, because this time I know I've been honest with myself. I've not forced myself to feel anything that's not there.... yet.

I have to say though, that when I'm with him, curled up on the sofa, I feel like that is EXACTLY where I'm meant to be.

- Side note, Job is going excellent, Money is going Excellent. I can't WAIT to get my bed! And I'm contemplating buying a guitar and learning to play! I've always wanted to and I'm like... well why the hell not!?!?!

Love n Hugs

Fifi
xXxXxXxXxXx

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Om Nom Nom

Hehe.. Food was delicious even if I do say so myself :) Mark seemed to like it anyway xD

I can't believe how everything has slotted into place over the last 4 weeks. Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop and for something to go drastically wrong. Afterall every other time I've got to the point of being this happy something has come along and crashed it all =/ I'm really hoping that doesnt happen this time. I think I deserve some happiness in my life!

Other people I could mention however deserve no fucking happiness whatsoever and need to go and jump of a very high cliff, ensuring all their bones break and then die in a big mess on the floor. Painfully. Okay.. that might sound harah. But seriously? Is it so hard to be happy for me rather than be consumed by your own selfishness? You want to be my friend you want me in your life, but what about what I want? Just, leave. me. alone. Simple. I dont know how many times I have to tell you this. I've had to block you just cause you wouldnt take the fricking hint!

Sorry, rant over. Anywho.. I really am happy :) even if things piss me off occasionally, inside I feel amazing, -nothing- can go wrong. nadda. nowt. Well at least it bloody better not do :D

They say that everyone has a someone out there waiting for them, well maybe I've been lucky enough to find mine. Who knows. I guess only time will tell :)

<3

Goodnight.. I'm off to the land of dreams
xXxXxXxXX

Sunday, 20 June 2010

Avatar and Shizzle

So.... I had a totally amazing Friday night, watched Avatar and then had snuggles on the sofa with a certain special someone :)

We then laid in my room and listened to Muse and debated the lyrical genius that is Matt Bellamy... because lets face it... He is like.. A god. A sexy one at that.

I really wanna go see Muse, but we checked out tickets and their gigs this year are all sold out, so we are gonna keep our open for next year <3

I love the way he makes me feel. Its just so laid back and so easy. We can just cuddle for hours and hours just talking about nothing and everything at all and we never run out of things to discuss. Maybe its cause its all so new.. or maybe this is how its meant to be. Just easy.. and neither of you have to break your back to find conversation or feel comfortable around each other.

Ohhh on a different note, im getting a double bed! I cant wait, so much more compfy than this thing and if a certain someone is gonna be staying over ima need it :D Mark (thats his name) is coming over tomorrow night im cooking dinner.. hehe. Tuna steaks in lemon and cracked black pepper sauce, with boiled tatoes and salad. Should be dead yum.


You Give The Best Cuddles xD

Fifi Out!
xXxXxXxXx




Friday, 18 June 2010

Hmmmmm

Well...

Yesterday was very interesting.. to say the least. Park, Sun, Grass, Milkshake, Cookies, Jacket Potatoe's, Alice In Wonderland, Photo's, Muse!, Om Noms and Wine. Yeh ok fucking good day! Tehe.

Taking things slow for the win tho I think. Totally unable to fuck anything up that way.

Avatar today :) Chilling out on the sofa. Roll on 6pm.

"
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love"

Life is gooooooood xD. I can't believe what a turn around I have undertaken in the last month. Everything feels so different. Its a good different.

I bloody ache tho, walking around town for 5 hours leads to achey legs and shizzle, plus lots of wine the night before leads to feeling a ickle bit icky. But oh well, I definately had fun.

<3Why Do You Only Fly Me Half Way To The Moon?
<3

Anywho..

See Ya!!
xXxXxXXxXx







Monday, 14 June 2010

Life

Wow.. well... life.. yes :D love it.

I have a date.... or at least I think its a date.. A guy has asked me out, just the two of us.. to go to the park and hang out and have ice cream.. well anyway.. im excited.

Its this Thursday and now all I have to do is decide what to wear, I was thinking, leggings, converse, cool skirt and t-shirt, kinda relaxed.. perfect for a day at the park... or i could go and wear my maxi dress... specially if the weather is nice.. that looks stunning on... hmm choices.

My niece thinks the Maxi dress, so I think as long as the weather is good, that will be my choice.

"turn it up turn it up for the people that say, were moving on and we'll be okay.. :D" <<>

Anywho.. not much more to write.. im too hyped up to think..

I shall update once this "date" has gone ahead!

Lots of Love!
xXxXxXxXxXx

Wednesday, 9 June 2010

Up and Up and UP!!

omfg.. like yay! I think my life is finally sorted :) and headed in the direction I want to.

Feelings are sorted. People I dont need in my life are either really small pieces or not spoken to at all. Done and done.

Went out Monday with people I used to know when I was in school and it was fun... really good to let my hair down and enjoy myself. Money is finally sorted. You have no idea what a weight off my shoulders that is.

Fresh new start, completely devoid of lifeless idiots who make me feel degraded and shit and if certain people think that talking about certain stuff around me is gonna get me down, well I aint gonna fucking let it so take your best shot cause I'm better than all of you. "fuck you, fuck you very very much... cause we hate we do, and we hate your whole crew so please dont stay in touch :)"

So.. coming up in my lil world? Niece Katie is coming down and im taking her to see Sex and The City 2, should be awesome. Planning another get together with my sister and we are gonna party hard :) Annnnnnnnd im going to see my dad soon and we are gonna chill out and do some "family" stuff :D

Soooooooo yea :D happy happy happy happy happy happy ;)

Oh

Hugs and Kisses :D
xXxXxXxXxXxXxXx




Thursday, 3 June 2010

Update!

So..

Okay.. clubbing with my sister went Soooooo awesome. I loved every second of it. :) Was so nice to let my hair down and be completely wild. Having my mum there wasnt half as bad as expected, and while I might not be letting her back into my life I certainly know that I can go to family events and get on amicably with her.

Life really has been a rollercoaster this last week or so. In and out of feeling shit, but I'm getting there. I'm finally taking my life by the horns and getting it sorted out. In no time ill be exactly where I want to be.

There are still people in my life that I'm not sure of my feelings for and people I know I know I should chuck out of my life but cant. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a sucker for punishment, because really.. hearing how great someone whos hurt you is doing serves nothing more than to hurt and annoy you further, but there you go. Sometimes telling people how you really feel is the best thing and other times it isnt, you dont really know which time is which so just go with your gut feeling, and if you get it wrong, well, everyone makes mistakes. This is something I've figured out through experience so .. yay me.

"honest to god ill break your heart, tear you to pieces and rip you apart" Its a line from a song I'm currently listening to. I like it, its kinda true for anyone in your life. Anyone who means anything to you has the ability to hurt you. Just depends if they do or not.

Ohhh! In awesome news work have taken me on perm :D yayaya! This makes me happy cause it means my plan is working out just right. *does the happy work dance*

I'm hoping to organise another night out with the girls soon, Its fun and I enjoy it and it makes me feel good gettting dressed up and being told repeatedly how amazing you look. The new hair went down well with all my family and friends too which was good :)

Anywho, I'm going to leave you with the lyrical amazingness of one of my favourite bands... Muse.


I can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness elude
maybe I just misunderstood

all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find

so I'll love whatever you become
and forget the reckless things we've done
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun

and I'll feel my world crumbling,
and I'll I feel my life crumbling
and feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away,
falling away with you

staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
I hope I won't forget a thing

promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same

and all of the love we threw away
and all of the hopes we've cherished fade
making the same mistakes again
making the same mistakes again

and I feel my world crumbling,
and I feel my life crumbling down,
I can feel my soul crumbling away,
and falling away,
falling away with you

all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find
memories I will never find


Muse - Falling Away With You <3

Much Love
Fi Out.
xXxXxXxXx

Side Note. Sheepy (shaun) is F'ing Awesome!

Sunday, 23 May 2010

A Childs Dream?

Your the only one

Who makes me smile

Safe in your arms

Even when your gone

I remember the times

We had so much fun

Playing like children

Messing around

I remember it fondly

Where has it gone?

Let us rekindle

The times that we had

Let us go back

To change the past

Different?

I feel different today. Last night opened my eyes I think. I'm done with this depressive slump. It hasnt got me anywhere. I've realised that some scars never dissappear completely but they do fade, and while you can always be haunted by your past its up to you to make sure it effects you less. I realise what I want from life now and I'm going to work towards it with everything I am.

So my plan for the next two years.

1) Pay off loan
2) Learn to drive
3) By a car. Hard top convertable.
4) Get into marketing
5) Move into my own place, whether that be in Norwich or a different part of the country and find my perfect marketing job.

And even if the road to get there is bumpy, I know that it will happen. Because I can make anything happen. As far as a man in my life is concerned, I'm not overly worried. I have amazing friends and am rebuilding some bridges which I think is really important and is helping me so much. Theres some people that I've realised I need in my life, maybe not the way I thought I needed them but I need them there, and I'm not going to the point that it did now.

On another note I dyed my hair :D

Pic there :) I love it, it makes me feel good. and the colour is awesome. I'm going clubbing with my sister next Friday which should be good. My mums gonna be there so Ill probs update with how that went, considering I havent seen my mum in almost 4 years and I really have no desire to ever speak to her again. But its my sisters birthday and I'm doing this for her.

"I love you, I just wish I could tell you"

xXxXxXxXx

Weightless

Manage me, I'm a mess
Turn a page, I'm a book half-unread
I wanna be laughed at, laughed with just because
I wanna feel weightless, and that should be enough.

But I'm stuck in this fucking rut
waiting on a secondhand pick-me-up
and I'm over, getting older

If I could just find the time
then I would never let another day go by
I'm over, getting old

And maybe it's not my weekend
but it's gonna be my year
And I'm so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere
And this is my reaction to everything I fear
'Cause I've been going crazy I don't wanna waste another minute here.

Make believe that I impress
that every word by design turns a head
I wanna feel reckless
Wanna live it up just because (just because)
I wanna feel weightless 'cause that would be enough

^^^ Lyrics from a song called Weightless by All Time Low.

A song that pretty much describes me.

Reminiscing about the past can be fun. But not always. Its funny what you realise you miss and you start wondering if things could have been different. I guess all things get a second chance. Its also weird what you find yourself missing and when you realise that you might not be the only person missing it. =/

Sometimes I feel so alone that I cant handle all the emotions that come from it. I need something and maybe im just starting to realise what that something is. I was so happy at one point recently and then that happiness evaporated and I found myself slipping back into the same old routines. Maybe the change was my fault. I know I can be overbaring, but maybe it wasnt completely my fault? I dunno. I feel strangly hazzy and fuzzy. Something has awakened inside me that I havent felt in a while.
Maybe I should go to sleep but I dont want to. I want to be awake to feel. Because I feel alive and I havent felt like this in a long time. Is it wrong to say that I miss it so much that sometimes I wonder if things could ever be that way again?

I do miss it, so much, Im gonna hold out hope that things might change

xXxXxXxXxXx

Thursday, 13 May 2010

Help

Breaking apart in the shadows,

Crumbling and cracking this mask,

It won’t last much longer

No support to hold me up

Alone, Never-ending loneliness

Only darkness fills the void

Forced and fake

Consumed by what can’t be controlled.

Saturday, 8 May 2010

Just a quick post

I was watching Disney earlier today and someone said something on a show which made me think. It's actually a phrase I cannot stand. "When life throws you lemons, make lemonade" cause seriously. How realistic is that? If life throws you something shit its not in human nature to go *grin* "OH WELL! lets see how I can turn this absolutely appalling occurrence into something positive" we go "oh fuck.. *mope*" then SOME of us, will try and look on the bright side.

Being down about stuff is in most peoples nature, sometimes people need to feel down about the bad stuff for the good stuff to feel good. I mean.. if people are constantly happy about everything, when something awesome happens... they will still be just happy?

Anywho, enough of me trying to be all psychological.

Life feels pretty crap at the moment, but when I actually take a deeper look, t
heres nothing for me to be unhappy about. So.. I dunno WHY I feel down. I just know I do. So ima have to address this issue.

I've given up on men and boyfriends. It just seems a pointless waste of time at the moment. I have my career to concentrate on aswell as getting myself sorted out. I dont need the distraction of men. Plus, lets face it. What time do I have for boyfriends anyway. I'm always fucking working. I walk alot to, and I've this to have a really positive effect on my body and shape. Which I guess is a good thing. I could do with working on my self confidence.

Someone asked me the other day where I see myself in 10 years and I couldnt answer, because to be honest, how can I know where I see myself.. when I dont know what I want. This person couldnt accept this answer... and got me thinking.

Do I want children?
Would I ever like to get married?
What about my career?
Do I wanna buy a house?

I guess if I look at a perfect world, the answers to the above questions would be, Yes to children, yes to husband, nice house and a good career. But.. I'm not sure if I want that.

When I was with Andy I invisidged myself getting married, buying a house and having children.. but I just cant see that anymore. I'm now almost 23 and I cant even begin to imagine myself as Married, or a Mum anymore. I dunno why this is... but I guess people change. The only thing I am sure of is my career. I wanna stay with the company im with and go into Marketing/Management. All the family stuff just doesnt appeal. I just in some ways it could be that underneath it all I'm still trying to fix a broken heart, and its a slow process. Learning to trust is the hardest part of all, as pretty much (excluding one or two) every person I've put my trust in lately has hurt me.

I guess when it all comes down to it, I've got alot of thinking to do and alot of issues to sort out before I can be truely happy.

Love N Kisses
xXxXxXxXxXx

Monday, 3 May 2010

Stupidness

The Mirror Shows A Reflection I Don't Recognise
My Fingers Move In Directions I Don't Choose
Repercussions And Consequence?
Left Behind Like A Forgotten Lover
Why Do We Do This To Ourselves?
Go Through The Torture Of Pain And Hurt?
Stop And Think.. For Even A Second
Sometimes Disaster Is Not A Set Course

Sunday, 28 March 2010

:-)

Is sitting on her balcony listening to music and looking up at the clouded moon wondering if things could get much better. While I feel a little deflated after some facts I found out today, I'm happy because now I can finally move on. Some things can bother you and you dont even realise it, but it effects you in the slightest of ways, easily seen by everyone else and barely noticed by yourself. Looking at my life, I love it, I have AMAZING friends and people who love me so so much and I love them equally, and isnt that what truely matters? The people in your life? Love is a word that can be tossed around too much and in my opinion should only be said when truely felt. I have made this mistake before, saying because thats what I wanted to be true rather than actually taking a step back and wondering what I was really feeling. For a while I wanted things to be as they were, to be "normal" again, but now I realise some things cant be repaired. Some people are too petty and immature to put differences aside and grow up and realise that hostility and fighting is pointless especially when its someone who has nothing against you.

I feel so free at this moment in time, its as if the breeze is taking all my worries with it and all thats left is me, happy and content with exactly how I am right now.

Life is what you make it, and all that matters is who takes the journey with you, so im going to make sure I make it amazing and have the people I love the most with me.

xXxXxXxXxXx

Sunday, 7 March 2010

Darkness

It's just one big game
And I dont want to play
A never ending rollercoaster
And i want to get off
I could explode from it
Weighing me down,
Pushing me further
Into a dark pit
To deep for me to climb out
It's too much now
Closing in
A thousand knives
It hurts
Then nothing..
Blissful nothing
It's over
I'm not ok

Friday, 5 March 2010

Changes

Well as the title of the post says im making some huge changes in my life. Starting with a new main job. I used to work at Swinton who basically got rid of me cause I wasnt performing, =/ I hated the place, the people, the atmosphere it was awful, so in some ways im glad, it means I move on and gives me the kick up the bum to do so. I've got a couple of good oppertunities in the pipeline and im still working at the Bar so fingers crossed.

I'm thinking about moving, maybe getting my own place. I perfer it when I'm here alone, specially when I work as much as I do, coming home and having peace and quiet is lovely. Also being woken up at 4am when ur flatmate comes in shouting cos they are drunk, and you only have gotten to sleep 30 mins before gets tedious after a while! I want a small 1 bedroom house/flat, yea ok, its gonnna be alot more than here, but I think it will be worth it, unless I can find someone to share with, who wont take the piss and isnt there much.

I'm happy being single, more than happy actually, I've realised I dont need a man to complete me and I'm enjoying being able to do as I want, when I want, without having to worry about someone else's feelings. That probs sounds selfish but I need to be more selfish I think.

I need to start spending more time with my friends, I have Aaron coming over today to watch Michael Mcintyre and Russell Howard :D should be fun.

I'm starting to feel really comfortable with myself, I've lost alot of weight without even trying I'm now a 14/16 and the weight is still just dropping off me, amazing what a good healthy diet, working lots and walking lots can do for you. Just proves that you need a healthy lifestyle not fad dieting and photoshop.

My cousin is coming over on Wednesday for dinner, I'm cooking steak and chips :D om nom nom.

Anyway well, my friend should be here soon so ima toddle off and chill out before playing hostess and laughing at comedy DVD's.

Much Love
xXxXxXxXxXx

Sunday, 21 February 2010

Well I havent posted in a while - I havent really had anything to say... But now I do. So here goes.

Its funny isnt it how life can take different turns? Things are so fragile they can change in the blink of a eye and you find yourself wanting something different. At this moment in time I dont know what I want, in fact I have no idea ¬.¬ I have so much going on I barely have time to think these days. I work 60 hours a week most week, holding down two jobs, then I have friend and family obligations aswell as doing the stuff I want to do and making sure I keep on top of the washing and cleaning. Its not easy, and as such I find myself with less and less time. I do however, have a few days off next week, and I'm going to see my dad Wednesday, Going around a very lovely friends and having some epic food cooked for me, then back to Norwich Thursday to go food shopping (fun eh?) My Niece is over Friday, Been promising to take her shopping for months and now I have the money I'm gonna, and then back to work saturday. So... I have time off, but I'm not exactly going to be resting. I think the next time I get time off I'm going to spend it at home, chilling out and reading a few books.

I named this post Long Time No Post + Owl City because omfg they are awesome. I know to some people they may be old and all like "ive heard all this before" but I've JUST got their album today and their songs fill me with a strange kind of happiness and their lyrics reawaken stuff inside me I thought died when my 4 yr relationship did. Listening to the songs today have made me realise a few things, and I feel so light a free, I feeling I havent truely felt for a long time.

Ima quote a few lyrics from Owl City now just cos they are FUCKING amazing...

Vanilla Twilight

The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake I miss you,
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'll send a postcard to you dear,
Cause I wish you were here.

I watch the night turn light blue,
But it's not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.

If My Heart Was A House

You're the sky that I fell through
And I remember the view
Whenever I'm holding you
The sun hung from a string
Looking down on the world as it warms over everything
Chills run down my spine
As our fingers entwine
And your sighs harmonize with mine
On this day complete
I can still feel your heart beat fast when you dance with me
We got older and I should've known (Do you feel alive?)
That I'd feel colder when I walk alone (Oh, but you'll survive)
So I may as well ditch my dismay
Bombs away, bombs away

Circle me and the needle moves gracefully
Back and forth
If my heart was a compass you'd be north
Risk it all cause I'll catch you if you fall
Wherever you go
If my heart was a house you'd be home


So yea... Anywho :) Love those lyrics. I really do have some of the most amazing friends, You know who you are and I love you all very much <3 <3 <3

Love n Kisses
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Sunday, 31 January 2010

Rant...

So.. I'm bored and I've decided to rant about something I tend to rant about a lot with my friends generally and actually put it into what I hope will be a concise argument. *nod* here I go.

Ok.. So I think one of the biggest misconceptions about Gamers is that they are all GUYS! Hello??? I'm female and I like games.. I don't start a game and suddenly grow a dick.. girls like games too. Period. Sometimes we even win too!

"Gamers have no lifes and are social retards" Ok.. The majority of the gamers I know go out and have fun as much as the next person, the difference is that when they arnt out, or at work etc, they play games. Its their hobby? Surely its no different to people who play an instrument or have some other hobby... Also, gaming can be quite social tbf.. all these online games like COD, MAG, Halo, Boderlands, Uncharted 2, Motorstorm 1 & 2 and Left 4 Dead allow you to Game while talking to your friends or just random people.
Also PC games like Wow, Aion, Guild Wars, Neverwinter Nights, Warhammer and LOTR Online, Which allow you to either play on realms with LOADS of players or build your own servers for your friends to play on. Again.. Very Social. To be social you can either go out, talk on a phone, by text, or over MSN. So why cant you be social by talking to people while playing a game??

"Games cause people to copy games" What aload of bullshit. This is basically saying that if you kill people in COD your gonna get your hands on a gun and kill people in real life? No. People who do this are usually already psychotic and use the game as a reason for doing it. To quote someone who plays games themselves.. "non-gamers have such a bad view on gamers, just because of a few case studies... no one mentions that a non-gaming murderer -DIDN'T- play games, its just a convenient alibi for people to use to cover up true motives and i think people should be a little more open minded into the hobbies of others" If you take what hes said and look at it, he makes sense. Look at all the hundreds of murders that are committed, how many of them have actually been put down to the person playing computer games? If you have that mind set your gonna commit the crime if you play the damn game or not. Same as people with addictive personalities. You can become addicted to games as much as you can alcohol, cigarettes or drugs, but two of those are socially acceptable? and the 3rd is becoming more and more so. So why can you sit around with your friends drink alcohol, smoke and in some cases do drugs and be deemed being "Social" but you cant log onto a game and do something you enjoy and talk to your friends that way?

Overall I think gamers get a bad rep because of the few idiots who take things too far. That guy who did go out and shoot people like on cod, or that girl who played wow so long she forgot to eat or drink and died. These are all extreme cases and are not the norm. I think people need to learn to look at things in a different light. Not all people who play games are sad, retarded, idiots or whatever else people call them. I know some VERY cool people who play games, and I play them myself.

/end rant

Love n Kisses
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Thursday, 28 January 2010

Thinking...

So its 2:39 in the morning, I have my book open next to me, and my phone is safely on charge where it will be ready for its next barrage of calls/texts come 11am-12noon tomorrow. I think I maybe slightly addicted to my phone, but hey!

Im sitting here with a perpetual grin on my face, I think perpetual is my word of the day, I've used it like a million times today >.<...anyways.. going slightly off topic.. back to me grinning.. yea.. I just feel so amazing, even though I'm shattered I just can't sleep due to how happy I feel!? I'm not even sure how that makes sense.. but.. yea this is me, I rarely make sense.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I really like the direction my life is going, I'm starting to think if I'm positive about things anything is possible. Like today at work, I had no sales on the board was having a REALLY shit day... I went away took and few deep breaths, got a few things off my chest that had been bugging me. Went back and sold! I know.. its a sales job, and its shit.. but to be frank, its a job, it pays the bills. Its not terrible work and I earn a fair amount for not doing a huge amount.. so... all in all? It's really not that bad. Anyway.. I'm really bad at staying on topic...

My mind is constantly rolling over different scenarios and different ways things can end up, different things that could happen no matter how far fetched. Songs often spark things in my head too, a certain lyric or melody can bring about a whole idea in my head.. Usually it involves planned events in my life, sometimes it can cause me to plan them. I don't think I ever completely shut down, which is probably one of the reasons I don't really sleep well? Occasionally I'll be thinking and an idea for a Poem or Story will come into my head... for some reason I cant sit down and go "I want to write" its more of.. "An Idea! QUICK! put pen to paper!" I can go months sometimes and not write a thing... would be a really bad way to earn money huh?

So much stuff is gonna happen over 2010 and its all gonna be for the better, my life is gonna do nothing but improve..In the words of that song I cant remember the name of "THE ONLY WAY IS UP! BABY! FOR YOU AND ME NOW!" :)

Anywho.. I am a very sleepy Fifi, with a very sleepy cat getting annoyed at me typing as its disturbing him, so off to bed I go!

Night Night
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