Sunday, 31 January 2010


So.. I'm bored and I've decided to rant about something I tend to rant about a lot with my friends generally and actually put it into what I hope will be a concise argument. *nod* here I go.

Ok.. So I think one of the biggest misconceptions about Gamers is that they are all GUYS! Hello??? I'm female and I like games.. I don't start a game and suddenly grow a dick.. girls like games too. Period. Sometimes we even win too!

"Gamers have no lifes and are social retards" Ok.. The majority of the gamers I know go out and have fun as much as the next person, the difference is that when they arnt out, or at work etc, they play games. Its their hobby? Surely its no different to people who play an instrument or have some other hobby... Also, gaming can be quite social tbf.. all these online games like COD, MAG, Halo, Boderlands, Uncharted 2, Motorstorm 1 & 2 and Left 4 Dead allow you to Game while talking to your friends or just random people.
Also PC games like Wow, Aion, Guild Wars, Neverwinter Nights, Warhammer and LOTR Online, Which allow you to either play on realms with LOADS of players or build your own servers for your friends to play on. Again.. Very Social. To be social you can either go out, talk on a phone, by text, or over MSN. So why cant you be social by talking to people while playing a game??

"Games cause people to copy games" What aload of bullshit. This is basically saying that if you kill people in COD your gonna get your hands on a gun and kill people in real life? No. People who do this are usually already psychotic and use the game as a reason for doing it. To quote someone who plays games themselves.. "non-gamers have such a bad view on gamers, just because of a few case studies... no one mentions that a non-gaming murderer -DIDN'T- play games, its just a convenient alibi for people to use to cover up true motives and i think people should be a little more open minded into the hobbies of others" If you take what hes said and look at it, he makes sense. Look at all the hundreds of murders that are committed, how many of them have actually been put down to the person playing computer games? If you have that mind set your gonna commit the crime if you play the damn game or not. Same as people with addictive personalities. You can become addicted to games as much as you can alcohol, cigarettes or drugs, but two of those are socially acceptable? and the 3rd is becoming more and more so. So why can you sit around with your friends drink alcohol, smoke and in some cases do drugs and be deemed being "Social" but you cant log onto a game and do something you enjoy and talk to your friends that way?

Overall I think gamers get a bad rep because of the few idiots who take things too far. That guy who did go out and shoot people like on cod, or that girl who played wow so long she forgot to eat or drink and died. These are all extreme cases and are not the norm. I think people need to learn to look at things in a different light. Not all people who play games are sad, retarded, idiots or whatever else people call them. I know some VERY cool people who play games, and I play them myself.

/end rant

Love n Kisses

Thursday, 28 January 2010


So its 2:39 in the morning, I have my book open next to me, and my phone is safely on charge where it will be ready for its next barrage of calls/texts come 11am-12noon tomorrow. I think I maybe slightly addicted to my phone, but hey!

Im sitting here with a perpetual grin on my face, I think perpetual is my word of the day, I've used it like a million times today >.<...anyways.. going slightly off topic.. back to me grinning.. yea.. I just feel so amazing, even though I'm shattered I just can't sleep due to how happy I feel!? I'm not even sure how that makes sense.. but.. yea this is me, I rarely make sense.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I really like the direction my life is going, I'm starting to think if I'm positive about things anything is possible. Like today at work, I had no sales on the board was having a REALLY shit day... I went away took and few deep breaths, got a few things off my chest that had been bugging me. Went back and sold! I know.. its a sales job, and its shit.. but to be frank, its a job, it pays the bills. Its not terrible work and I earn a fair amount for not doing a huge amount.. so... all in all? It's really not that bad. Anyway.. I'm really bad at staying on topic...

My mind is constantly rolling over different scenarios and different ways things can end up, different things that could happen no matter how far fetched. Songs often spark things in my head too, a certain lyric or melody can bring about a whole idea in my head.. Usually it involves planned events in my life, sometimes it can cause me to plan them. I don't think I ever completely shut down, which is probably one of the reasons I don't really sleep well? Occasionally I'll be thinking and an idea for a Poem or Story will come into my head... for some reason I cant sit down and go "I want to write" its more of.. "An Idea! QUICK! put pen to paper!" I can go months sometimes and not write a thing... would be a really bad way to earn money huh?

So much stuff is gonna happen over 2010 and its all gonna be for the better, my life is gonna do nothing but improve..In the words of that song I cant remember the name of "THE ONLY WAY IS UP! BABY! FOR YOU AND ME NOW!" :)

Anywho.. I am a very sleepy Fifi, with a very sleepy cat getting annoyed at me typing as its disturbing him, so off to bed I go!

Night Night

Monday, 25 January 2010

A Poem - My Dear Old Friend


Theres so much
I cant explain
So many feelings
And too much pain
The tears they flow
Falling like stars
Only for a moment
But enough to last
This hurt is true
Its root is deep
How to express?
Words i cant speak?
If i messed up,
If i broke the vow
I'm sorry, I'm hurting now
I cant go back
To change the past
To what once was
It cannot last
So now I try
To make amends
A little to late?
I'm sorry dear friend..
A lot happened
In the years that passed
A lot went on..
In this broke tired heart.
But we all move on
And hearts will mend
I'm sorry were hurting
My dear old friend...

Enjoy :)

Love n Kisses

Friday, 15 January 2010


Just a little something I wrote, kinda has nothing to do with how im feeling, just a little idea that was tugging at me..

Ill sit here in the cold and dark
Alone and scared my heart beating fast
No sound no movement
No life or death
This place just exists
There is nothing left
So what do you do?
When you feel this alone?
You've no one to turn to,
Nowhere else to run
Your routes are closed off
you don have a choice
your cold and alone
In this lifeless black void.

Lemme know what you think...

Love n Kisses

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Spazzing Out...

So Yeah... Over the last few days I've really been spazzing out which is really not like me, I feel like someone has come and planted annoying woman hormones into my brain. So therefore, im going on a Spazz Detox, which means Im gonna not spazz out no more. :D

My ex boyfriend decided to get in contact with me and generally be a annoying twat, tell me he missed me and wanted me back. Why do men do this, where they find out you have someone new and your perfectly happy then they try and muscle their way back into your life? Well I aint falling for no shit like that, I'm quite happy in the relationship im in, with a man I love.

What does annoy me though is this stupid fucking woman who are in abusive or just plain shit relationships, and by abusing I mean physically or mentally, and KEEP going back to the guy over and over no matter what he does, because he "appologised" I mean.. come on? seriously? GROW A FUCKING BACKBONE!

Theres a girl that I work with that does this, is with a guy who treats her like shit, and is always mean to her, yet shes the one who is always appologising, and trying to make him happy. She supports him financially, and his kids, who have nothing to do with her, she paid for christmas and is always giving him money, when he sits on job seekers allowence doing fuck all. Can anyone say MUG!!?!?!?

I think it works the other way around aswell, you get some men who just let woman walk all over them, its like.. why would you let another human being, male or female, walk all over you? I mean i'm probably not the best example because im genuinely a really nice person and I do give people more than one chance, but you piss me off too many times and i'll just cut you out of my life without a backward glance. I'd do anything for my friends and family, but take advantage.. and well.. I just wont anymore.

Well... I've gone way of topic, so back on topic, no more spazzing out, and im sure a certain person will tell me when I am!! lols

Love n Kisses

Sunday, 10 January 2010


Ok.... most epic win ever.. and it really is...

This weekend couldn't have gone better, it started off with them getting here late and devouring pizza and tea, and then we proceeded to stay awake until 3am chatting laughing and generally being awesome. Kristy was almost falling asleep, she was dead on her feet, Nick was wide awake and saying stuff I had no idea what he mean and Adam was joining in and being awesome..

Then we all went to bed... yea... lols. That was definitely amusing, Kristy decided to wake up and shout at Nick which amused me greatly when I woke up the next morning and got told. We didn't get up until almost midday... not that this is a great difference for me, I just didn't wake up alone :D

Friday - We went to see Avatar.. OMGGG!! It was so AWESOME, very colourful, very emotional film, with epic fight scenes, comedy, love and action.. what more can you want? I cried.. then again I always cry at films.. well ones that are epic. Then we came home, I cooked Lasagne, om nom, Adam decided he was ill so he didnt wanna drink lots.. although I had wine so I managed to get pretty drunk.. We watched Nightmare Before Christmas.. which was really good :)

Saturday - We were gonna go shopping... but.. it was cold.. and wet... and really didn't want too. So, we just stayed in and started drinking at 5pm... yea I know thats early... We played Shotgun which is a epic drinking game made up by Adam and Nick. We managed to get through, 2 bottles of Rum, a bottle of Vodka, 3 Bottles of Wine, 2l Bottle of Strongbow, 8 bottles of Kopperberg and Bottle of Sambuca lol.. That makes us all sound like alcoholics..

Today - They are going home =/

Safe to say It was EPIC by any standard.

Also - Its been 2 years coming.. taken a while.. been close and then not close.. but.. Adam - I love you :)

Love n Kisses

Thursday, 7 January 2010



Bed - Done (unless sleeping arrangements change and I need to make up the extra single bed.....)

Food - Done, all in the freezer.

Alcohol - Done :)

Guests Arrival - FAIL

They went and missed the coach... or it left without them, either way they are due 3 hours late :( which makes a very sleepy Fifi wanna cry. I also knew working the day guests were due to be arriving would be a bad idea as it would make me grumpy and low and behold my fecking manager decided to piss me off in the followin ways:-

1) When I arrived we were talking about people not being able to get in because of the snow and they fact they would need to make the time up and i said "I wouldnt wanna make the time up cos that means stupidly long shifts id rather struggle and get in", in her stupid mind she deicided id said "oh id rather make the time up than be here" pulled me to one side and proceeded to have a go at me for something I DIDNT SAY!!

2) I was on the phone to Adam talking about Action Men, Barbies and Ken Dolls (dont ask) and she turned around and said, "Why cant you have the same enthusiasm when you are talking to customers" to which i sarcastically replied "because i dont talk to the customers about action men"... i mean FUCK sake i was on my BREAK!!!

3) Proceeded to throw a pair of gloves AT me and ask if they were mine.. I just said "No" glared and chucked them on a spare desk. They wernt anywhere near me for christs sake why the hell would they be mine when I was so cold I was WEARING my gloves???

4) Pulled me aside at the end of the day and said I had a bad attitude because I told Claire (my friend) I was feeling tired. Whats that all about?? Am I not allowed to say im tired now? Apprently not. Stupid Bitch.

So.. all in all im not happy, on top of that I came home to a bunch of washing up after I tidied the house this morning in preperation for guest arrival.. and now all I want to do is collapse onto my bed and sleep for the next 24 hours :( but im not gonna do that.

On top of that im nervous and havent eaten or had much sleep in two days due to fretting and stress, GRR.

anywho.. my fingers hurt from typing..

Love n Kisses

Wednesday, 6 January 2010


So... as I've said in my last few blogs I have people coming to stay at the weekend.. and its amazing the amount of preperation needed..

1) Tidy House - You dont want your guesting walking into your house and going.. oh my god.. THIS PLACE IS A SHIT HOLE!

2) Bedding - that duvet you've got tucked away for when guests stay and that hasnt been used for a while probably needs washing.. plus you have to wash your own bedding too to make a good impression.

3) Apart from tidying the house, your own bedroom needs to be spotless, this is a chore for me trust me as i dont spend a huge amount of time in my room and stuff tends to be dumped on the floor until i can be bothered to pick it up..

4) Food - Finding out what they eat. See I've decided on lots of party food and making lasagne one day. Everyone likes party food and the people that are coming like lasagne so its all good, but it takes more thought than you'd have thought.

5) Alcohol - Obv they are gonna bring/buy some, but as a host you should provide some, so I need to go to asda tonight and buy the goods. Should be interested and make me look like a alcoholic!!

6) Sleeping Arrangements - Upon hearing they were comnig there was originally gonna be 5.. and I was like.. My bed is a single.. and i have a single pull out bed.. and wooden floors.. oh dear.. Then the number went down to 3, this is more managable. So, I brought a blow up double bed :) all sorted.

7) The clear up - this comes after.. but tbh... I hate tiding up and im dreading it, even if all i have to do is hoover and wash the dishes im like >.<

So.. when you decided to invite people to stay.. dont leave everything to the last 4 days.. when your WORKING to get everything ready... it makes for a stressful time. Trust Me.

Oh and on top of all this MY NEIGHBOURS are having work done and people been BANGING and DRILLING from 9am.. If they do this when I am hungover.. I will shout at them. Gits.

Anywho! Off to work I go! =/

Love n Kisses

Was Gonna Sleep But...

I have to make a very quick post about my cat Oscar and his cleverness.

Firstly... He can turn the bathroom light on by hanging from the cord until it turns on... I just walked out of my room because I thought my housemate was up but no... it was Oscar... staring at the pull cord as it swang back and forth after he had just hung from it.

We got Oscar when he was 8 weeks old, he is now 17 weeks old and hes so lovely and SO clever.

If he wants attention and I am on my PC/Laptop he will sit/stand on the keyboard so I cant type, and if no keyboard is accesable for him to stand/sit on he will sit on any part of my person which interupts me typing.. usually my face.

If im sleeping or trying to and he wants attention then no matter which was I turn my head he will nibble at my nose.. and if I bury my face in my pillow he will pull at my hair with his paws.

He has managed dispite his smallness to find a way of getting up onto the kitchen counter.. he uses the indent in the washing machine door...

As he is an indoor cat (we live on the 3rd floor) his bids for escape are quite amusing, the windows... the front door...he's quite fast lol. He also goes out on the balcony and stares through the glass, were gonna have to watch him when hes older cause he will jump up and like fall off..

He's just walked into my room and sat on the bed staring at me because I shut the bathroom door so he cant play with the cord no more... it was quite noisey and I want to sleep.. but I think I've spoilt his fun. lol.

Bless him, hes currently playing behind my desk and will no doubt find another way of making noise to foil my plans for sleep... evil kitty.. hehe

Anyway... a whole post about my cat? I think I really am a crazy cat lady.. Ima end up old with like 80 cats and a smelly house.. or maybe not.. I hate smelly houses... and I doubt ill live to be 80... :D

Night Night!!

Love n Kisses

Monday, 4 January 2010

Cant Sleep

Its 3:21am, and im wide awake, with no chance of me sleeping anytime soon. I've got stuff on my mind.. like its annoying when you know people have this like expectation of you and your worried your not going to meet it? I hate it when people have expectations of me, id rather they just didnt or had low ones so when i exceed them its better than not meeting them?

Things can either end REALLY good or.. REALLY bad and judging by my general luck im really hoping on this occasion things go my way. Its gonna be so fail if they dont and really awkward, and where as I normally thrive on awkward moments, I dont think this will be one of those times, unfortunately. Thursday is gonna be one hell of a day, working + fretting doesnt make for much fun, and then 45 minute wait in the cold isnt going to do much for my mood either. =/ oh dear

My friend keeps telling me not to worry and that its all gonna be fine, but they just say that to make you stop worrying and on this occasion it hasnt worked. Bless her though, she tried. Shes got problems of her own, men related obviously.. they make life so hard sometimes! But hey, cant live with em, and certainly cant live without em, so I guess you just make do. She told me earlier she just "wants a man to make her happy, who she can love and who loves her back and will treat her like a princess" I loled and told her life doesnt work that way and its not a fairytale, you make your own life worth living other people dont do it for you. In my opinion, there are two types of people in this world, the ones where bad stuff happens and they move on, and the ones where bad stuff happens and they spend 10 months moaning about it and being complete idiots instead of actually looking at why it happened and then getting over it. Meh, whats the point in dwelling?

So.. anywhos.. I think I've ranted enough, I'm in the mood to write some poetry so..


Love n Kisses

Saturday, 2 January 2010


Well, Its the 2nd of Jan, and ALREADY a spanner has been thrown in the works, however, we looked at it logically and have found a solution which actually works out better for everyone :)

I know it sounds apsolutely stupid to some people, but its all about positive thinking, if you are dead set on things going wrong, YOU will cause them to go wrong, however if you are set on things being great then, even if something DOES go wrong, you will find a solution. Where there is a will there is a way.

Well currently being sat on a cold bus in 10 items of clothing to keep me warm listening to Mika, life feels pretty good. I received a very nice text last night that had me smiling until i fell asleep, and still makes me smile this morning when i re-read it. Isnt it strange how really simple things like that can lift you up so much?

I've been listening to Mika alot lately, I love his songs. The music is really upbeat and catchy but lyrically they are quite sad and depressing. For example.. Blue Eyes

Your heart is broken

To your surprise
You're sick of crying
For blue eyes
So tired of living
Think hard woman
I think you should

Come, sorrow is so peculiar
It comes in a day, then it'll never leave you
You take a pill, wonder if it will fix you
They wonder why sorrow has never left you

I'm talkin' bout blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter, matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter matter
So blind, so blind
What's the matter, matter
Blue eyes, blue eyes
What's the matter with you?

The above song is sang to a upbeat salsa kinda tune, and it just makes you wanna dance, but when you actually lsiten to the lyrics.. they are quite sad. That being said the whole of MIka's new album reminds me of a very special friend who i will never ever forget, he taught me how to love again, and for that i thank him, even if we hardly talk now :(

anywho, ima go have a nap on this bus and listen to music


love n kisses

Friday, 1 January 2010

Hi Again!

Well, I havent updated this in a few months, mainly because there has been a stupid amount going on, in a nutshell.... I got back with my ex, broke up from my ex again, went out clubbing alot, got very drunk... alot... got a job, quit, got a new job, moved into my own place.... and now well, im happy.

I had an amazing Christmas, with my Dad (Nick), his gorgeous wife, (Karen), and spent xmas day with my closest family, Dad, Karen, Daniel, Auntie Jo and Phily, Jess, Ben, David, Adam, Grandma, Grandad. I can safely say it was the best xmas ive had in 4 years, it was so lovely spending the time with them all.

I've decided that 2010 is going to be a very epic year, and it gets started off in the best way possible with 5 of my amazing friends coming to stay with me on the 8th of January. Adam, Nick, Kristy, Mo and Shaun!!! Alcohol, PS3, Movies and Cuddles.. Can't Wait!

The weekend after i have my niece coming to stay, which means, singing, dancing and generally being very immature! Which is always fun! gogo Katie!

At some point between Jan and March I shall have someone very special coming to stay with me for a while!

Then in March, Im down Bath/Trowbridge way for a week for Parties! and Fun! Gogo Hotel! And my friend Jenn will be coming down to me there as she lives close by!

June/July I book my holiday for 2011 to go to Austrailia and New Zealand for a couple of weeks with my BFF!

October I'm 23!! >.< A fact I'm not very happy about but oh well you can't stop aging

Inbetween all this, I am building a T.A.R.D.I.S with my friend Adam, and trying to stop the world imploding from the amount of Win we create when together.

So all in all, this year looks good, im pretty damn certain something will come in and try to wreck it, but I'm not going to let it. This year is going to be the best of my life and as long as I believe that. I KNOW it will be :)

Love n Kisses