I was watching Disney earlier today and someone said something on a show which made me think. It's actually a phrase I cannot stand. "When life throws you lemons, make lemonade" cause seriously. How realistic is that? If life throws you something shit its not in human nature to go *grin* "OH WELL! lets see how I can turn this absolutely appalling occurrence into something positive" we go "oh fuck.. *mope*" then SOME of us, will try and look on the bright side.
Being down about stuff is in most peoples nature, sometimes people need to feel down about the bad stuff for the good stuff to feel good. I mean.. if people are constantly happy about everything, when something awesome happens... they will still be just happy?
Anywho, enough of me trying to be all psychological.
Life feels pretty crap at the moment, but when I actually take a deeper look, theres nothing for me to be unhappy about. So.. I dunno WHY I feel down. I just know I do. So ima have to address this issue.
I've given up on men and boyfriends. It just seems a pointless waste of time at the moment. I have my career to concentrate on aswell as getting myself sorted out. I dont need the distraction of men. Plus, lets face it. What time do I have for boyfriends anyway. I'm always fucking working. I walk alot to, and I've this to have a really positive effect on my body and shape. Which I guess is a good thing. I could do with working on my self confidence.
Someone asked me the other day where I see myself in 10 years and I couldnt answer, because to be honest, how can I know where I see myself.. when I dont know what I want. This person couldnt accept this answer... and got me thinking.
Do I want children?
Would I ever like to get married?
What about my career?
Do I wanna buy a house?
I guess if I look at a perfect world, the answers to the above questions would be, Yes to children, yes to husband, nice house and a good career. But.. I'm not sure if I want that.
When I was with Andy I invisidged myself getting married, buying a house and having children.. but I just cant see that anymore. I'm now almost 23 and I cant even begin to imagine myself as Married, or a Mum anymore. I dunno why this is... but I guess people change. The only thing I am sure of is my career. I wanna stay with the company im with and go into Marketing/Management. All the family stuff just doesnt appeal. I just in some ways it could be that underneath it all I'm still trying to fix a broken heart, and its a slow process. Learning to trust is the hardest part of all, as pretty much (excluding one or two) every person I've put my trust in lately has hurt me.
I guess when it all comes down to it, I've got alot of thinking to do and alot of issues to sort out before I can be truely happy.
Love N Kisses
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