'Lo

Well, I ain't posted for a while, mostly cause I've been confused. Unsure what I wanted and unsure how I felt. I think mostly I was just running scared. I didn't want to get involved with someone again because of the pain and hurt it can cause, and after Andy, I think I'd had about as much pain as I could take. But someone close to me reminded me that you cannot live life without risks, and if you want something then grasp it with both hands before it disappears.

No one is perfect, and people make mistakes, and sometimes there are some people who rip your heart out and then stand on it a few times to make it worse. But not everyone is like that. Not everyone is going to get close to you and then break you heart. The biggest problem is knowing which ones will and which wont. This is something you cant know until it happens, but in the same token you cant spend your entire life waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Bad things happen, sometimes more to some people than to others, but its your ability to pick yourself back up and try again that matters. I refused to let myself fall into being okay with second best and not trying anymore because I'm frightened of getting hurt. My gut instinct is that this time? I wont get hurt, that whichever way this goes, I'll be okay, but that's mostly cause I'm a stronger person than I used to be. I don't need someone else to complete me. I'm me exactly how I am and if someone doesn't like it? Well go to hell.

I'm never gonna change who I am, or what I say or do for anyone, because I shouldn't have to. Being fake and lying can only be kept up for so long before something makes you crack. Also.. If the person your with, or in fact anyone who's close to you, hurts you, lies, or does something to make you feel shit. Then you have to think to yourself, are they really worth the hassle? Most of the time the answer is No. I'm not talking about petty disagreements either, I'm talking about the big stuff. Stuff that matters.

I think this time I'm just gonna let everything take its course, and if I fall in love or even if I don't? Whatever happens, then that's fine, because this time I know I've been honest with myself. I've not forced myself to feel anything that's not there.... yet.

I have to say though, that when I'm with him, curled up on the sofa, I feel like that is EXACTLY where I'm meant to be.

- Side note, Job is going excellent, Money is going Excellent. I can't WAIT to get my bed! And I'm contemplating buying a guitar and learning to play! I've always wanted to and I'm like... well why the hell not!?!?!

Love n Hugs

Fifi
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Om Nom Nom

Hehe.. Food was delicious even if I do say so myself :) Mark seemed to like it anyway xD

I can't believe how everything has slotted into place over the last 4 weeks. Part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop and for something to go drastically wrong. Afterall every other time I've got to the point of being this happy something has come along and crashed it all =/ I'm really hoping that doesnt happen this time. I think I deserve some happiness in my life!

Other people I could mention however deserve no fucking happiness whatsoever and need to go and jump of a very high cliff, ensuring all their bones break and then die in a big mess on the floor. Painfully. Okay.. that might sound harah. But seriously? Is it so hard to be happy for me rather than be consumed by your own selfishness? You want to be my friend you want me in your life, but what about what I want? Just, leave. me. alone. Simple. I dont know how many times I have to tell you this. I've had to block you just cause you wouldnt take the fricking hint!

Sorry, rant over. Anywho.. I really am happy :) even if things piss me off occasionally, inside I feel amazing, -nothing- can go wrong. nadda. nowt. Well at least it bloody better not do :D

They say that everyone has a someone out there waiting for them, well maybe I've been lucky enough to find mine. Who knows. I guess only time will tell :)

<3

Goodnight.. I'm off to the land of dreams
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Avatar and Shizzle

So.... I had a totally amazing Friday night, watched Avatar and then had snuggles on the sofa with a certain special someone :)

We then laid in my room and listened to Muse and debated the lyrical genius that is Matt Bellamy... because lets face it... He is like.. A god. A sexy one at that.

I really wanna go see Muse, but we checked out tickets and their gigs this year are all sold out, so we are gonna keep our open for next year <3

I love the way he makes me feel. Its just so laid back and so easy. We can just cuddle for hours and hours just talking about nothing and everything at all and we never run out of things to discuss. Maybe its cause its all so new.. or maybe this is how its meant to be. Just easy.. and neither of you have to break your back to find conversation or feel comfortable around each other.

Ohhh on a different note, im getting a double bed! I cant wait, so much more compfy than this thing and if a certain someone is gonna be staying over ima need it :D Mark (thats his name) is coming over tomorrow night im cooking dinner.. hehe. Tuna steaks in lemon and cracked black pepper sauce, with boiled tatoes and salad. Should be dead yum.

You Give The Best Cuddles xD

Fifi Out!
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Hmmmmm

Well...

Yesterday was very interesting.. to say the least. Park, Sun, Grass, Milkshake, Cookies, Jacket Potatoe's, Alice In Wonderland, Photo's, Muse!, Om Noms and Wine. Yeh ok fucking good day! Tehe.

Taking things slow for the win tho I think. Totally unable to fuck anything up that way.

Avatar today :) Chilling out on the sofa. Roll on 6pm.

"You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love"

Life is gooooooood xD. I can't believe what a turn around I have undertaken in the last month. Everything feels so different. Its a good different.

I bloody ache tho, walking around town for 5 hours leads to achey legs and shizzle, plus lots of wine the night before leads to feeling a ickle bit icky. But oh well, I definately had fun.

<3Why Do You Only Fly Me Half Way To The Moon?<3

Anywho..

See Ya!!
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Life

Wow.. well... life.. yes :D love it.

I have a date.... or at least I think its a date.. A guy has asked me out, just the two of us.. to go to the park and hang out and have ice cream.. well anyway.. im excited.

Its this Thursday and now all I have to do is decide what to wear, I was thinking, leggings, converse, cool skirt and t-shirt, kinda relaxed.. perfect for a day at the park... or i could go and wear my maxi dress... specially if the weather is nice.. that looks stunning on... hmm choices.

My niece thinks the Maxi dress, so I think as long as the weather is good, that will be my choice.

"turn it up turn it up for the people that say, were moving on and we'll be okay.. :D" <<>

Anywho.. not much more to write.. im too hyped up to think..

I shall update once this "date" has gone ahead!

Lots of Love!
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Up and Up and UP!!

omfg.. like yay! I think my life is finally sorted :) and headed in the direction I want to.

Feelings are sorted. People I dont need in my life are either really small pieces or not spoken to at all. Done and done.

Went out Monday with people I used to know when I was in school and it was fun... really good to let my hair down and enjoy myself. Money is finally sorted. You have no idea what a weight off my shoulders that is.

Fresh new start, completely devoid of lifeless idiots who make me feel degraded and shit and if certain people think that talking about certain stuff around me is gonna get me down, well I aint gonna fucking let it so take your best shot cause I'm better than all of you. "fuck you, fuck you very very much... cause we hate we do, and we hate your whole crew so please dont stay in touch :)"

So.. coming up in my lil world? Niece Katie is coming down and im taking her to see Sex and The City 2, should be awesome. Planning another get together with my sister and we are gonna party hard :) Annnnnnnnd im going to see my dad soon and we are gonna chill out and do some "family" stuff :D

Soooooooo yea :D happy happy happy happy happy happy ;)

Oh

Hugs and Kisses :D
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Update!

So..

Okay.. clubbing with my sister went Soooooo awesome. I loved every second of it. :) Was so nice to let my hair down and be completely wild. Having my mum there wasnt half as bad as expected, and while I might not be letting her back into my life I certainly know that I can go to family events and get on amicably with her.

Life really has been a rollercoaster this last week or so. In and out of feeling shit, but I'm getting there. I'm finally taking my life by the horns and getting it sorted out. In no time ill be exactly where I want to be.

There are still people in my life that I'm not sure of my feelings for and people I know I know I should chuck out of my life but cant. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a sucker for punishment, because really.. hearing how great someone whos hurt you is doing serves nothing more than to hurt and annoy you further, but there you go. Sometimes telling people how you really feel is the best thing and other times it isnt, you dont really know which time is which so just go with your gut feeling, and if you get it wrong, well, everyone makes mistakes. This is something I've figured out through experience so .. yay me.

"honest to god ill break your heart, tear you to pieces and rip you apart" Its a line from a song I'm currently listening to. I like it, its kinda true for anyone in your life. Anyone who means anything to you has the ability to hurt you. Just depends if they do or not.

Ohhh! In awesome news work have taken me on perm :D yayaya! This makes me happy cause it means my plan is working out just right. *does the happy work dance*

I'm hoping to organise another night out with the girls soon, Its fun and I enjoy it and it makes me feel good gettting dressed up and being told repeatedly how amazing you look. The new hair went down well with all my family and friends too which was good :)

Anywho, I'm going to leave you with the lyrical amazingness of one of my favourite bands... Muse.

I can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness elude
maybe I just misunderstood

all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find

so I'll love whatever you become
and forget the reckless things we've done
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun

and I'll feel my world crumbling,
and I'll I feel my life crumbling
and feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away,
falling away with you

staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
I hope I won't forget a thing

promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same

and all of the love we threw away
and all of the hopes we've cherished fade
making the same mistakes again
making the same mistakes again

and I feel my world crumbling,
and I feel my life crumbling down,
I can feel my soul crumbling away,
and falling away,
falling away with you

all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find
memories I will never find

Muse - Falling Away With You <3

Much Love
Fi Out.
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Side Note. Sheepy (shaun) is F'ing Awesome!