:-)

Is sitting on her balcony listening to music and looking up at the clouded moon wondering if things could get much better. While I feel a little deflated after some facts I found out today, I'm happy because now I can finally move on. Some things can bother you and you dont even realise it, but it effects you in the slightest of ways, easily seen by everyone else and barely noticed by yourself. Looking at my life, I love it, I have AMAZING friends and people who love me so so much and I love them equally, and isnt that what truely matters? The people in your life? Love is a word that can be tossed around too much and in my opinion should only be said when truely felt. I have made this mistake before, saying because thats what I wanted to be true rather than actually taking a step back and wondering what I was really feeling. For a while I wanted things to be as they were, to be "normal" again, but now I realise some things cant be repaired. Some people are too petty and immature to put differences aside and grow up and realise that hostility and fighting is pointless especially when its someone who has nothing against you.

I feel so free at this moment in time, its as if the breeze is taking all my worries with it and all thats left is me, happy and content with exactly how I am right now.

Life is what you make it, and all that matters is who takes the journey with you, so im going to make sure I make it amazing and have the people I love the most with me.

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Darkness

It's just one big game
And I dont want to play
A never ending rollercoaster
And i want to get off
I could explode from it
Weighing me down,
Pushing me further
Into a dark pit
To deep for me to climb out
It's too much now
Closing in
A thousand knives
It hurts
Then nothing..
Blissful nothing
It's over
I'm not ok

Changes

Well as the title of the post says im making some huge changes in my life. Starting with a new main job. I used to work at Swinton who basically got rid of me cause I wasnt performing, =/ I hated the place, the people, the atmosphere it was awful, so in some ways im glad, it means I move on and gives me the kick up the bum to do so. I've got a couple of good oppertunities in the pipeline and im still working at the Bar so fingers crossed.

I'm thinking about moving, maybe getting my own place. I perfer it when I'm here alone, specially when I work as much as I do, coming home and having peace and quiet is lovely. Also being woken up at 4am when ur flatmate comes in shouting cos they are drunk, and you only have gotten to sleep 30 mins before gets tedious after a while! I want a small 1 bedroom house/flat, yea ok, its gonnna be alot more than here, but I think it will be worth it, unless I can find someone to share with, who wont take the piss and isnt there much.

I'm happy being single, more than happy actually, I've realised I dont need a man to complete me and I'm enjoying being able to do as I want, when I want, without having to worry about someone else's feelings. That probs sounds selfish but I need to be more selfish I think.

I need to start spending more time with my friends, I have Aaron coming over today to watch Michael Mcintyre and Russell Howard :D should be fun.

I'm starting to feel really comfortable with myself, I've lost alot of weight without even trying I'm now a 14/16 and the weight is still just dropping off me, amazing what a good healthy diet, working lots and walking lots can do for you. Just proves that you need a healthy lifestyle not fad dieting and photoshop.

My cousin is coming over on Wednesday for dinner, I'm cooking steak and chips :D om nom nom.

Anyway well, my friend should be here soon so ima toddle off and chill out before playing hostess and laughing at comedy DVD's.

Much Love
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